It's Too Hot, Too Cold, this Jacket's Too Thick!
by MuffinPirate
Summary: Zexion is an author who lives with his fiance and little brother. Demyx is a musician who lives with his boyfriend. What happens when a stupid mistake causes the two to switch bodies? Starts out Xigion and AkuDemy, but is Zemyx and AkuRoku. Dropped.
1. El Prolegro

xX It's too hot, It's too cold, this jacket's too thick! Xx

Zexion Callahan was a practical man. He liked to go to Starbucks every morning, and sit at a small table with his laptop and type up a new chapter while drinking a nice, hot cup of joe. He was a world renowned author, writing mostly under the genre of murder mystery and thriller. He lived in a flat with his little brother Downey, and sometimes his fiancé, Xigbar Jones. Xigbar was always traveling around everywhere, so it didn't really surprise Zexion when he woke up to an empty side of the bed.

Zexion did not like social outings too much, and_ really _disliked loud and obnoxious people, the only exceptions being Xigbar and Downey. Normally, if someone irks him or really pisses him off, he ends up killing them off in the worst ways in his books. Xigbar has been killed a total of twenty-six times under many different names, all of them either including 'Xig' or 'Bar' in them.

Today, he had to go grocery shopping. It was a rarity, actually. Zexion would usually walk into the kitchen to see the counter cluttered with groceries in the mornings, but no sign of Xigbar. He thought of it as a sign that he was indeed faithful to the younger, and wasn't cheating on him during his constant disappearances.

Downey was always accompanying him to Starbucks and the store. He loved Zexion so muches, so he was sure to stay quiet while he did his writing. He seemed to have this sensor in his brain that let him know when Zexion wasn't really writing and just staring at the screen, so that was when he started to talk to him. Zexion didn't mind though. He loved Downey very much, and would give his life for the little one's. Downey was only eight to Zexion's twenty-three, by the way.

Skipping the shopping, Zexion was lucky to only have to carry on paper bag home with him today, his other hand holding Downey's, who was chatting away. Abruptly, he stopped and gasped. He tried to warn Zexums of what was coming, but alas, it was too late.

xXx

Demyx Nomura was a _musician_. He did not like silence, at all. So, naturally, the twenty-five year old _really_ disliked sitting in the library, with his quiet friend Lexaeus. He honestly wished that he could be with his boyfriend right now, Axel. But he said something about visiting his grandmother at the nursing home; the one that didn't like Demyx and threw things at him every time he came with Axel.

Demyx played several instruments for the band Paperclippin' Moose (1), as well as being the lead vocals. He lived with Axel and his twin Reno, in their apartment, where threesomes occurred often. Reno's own boyfriend, Rude, also lived with them.

Lying around the apartment were tons of books, belonging to Rude of course. They were all of the same genre; horror, thriller, mystery. There seemed to be quite a few by this mysterious 'Z. Callahan' fellow too, who was quite attractive. Wanting to stay faithful and true to Axel, Demyx convinced himself that this 'Z. Callahan' fellow was a creepy sadistic masochist who was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, sitting in his lab creating psychotic plots of doom—hey, have you _read_ some of his books? They are psychotic(-ly good)! Plus, the guy undoubtedly lives in New York. All famous people seem to, besides actors and actresses. Ok, and musicians. They all seem to live in Hollywood or LA. Ok so maybe only authors live in New York, but still. It's too common.

Just then, Axel crashed through the library doors. "Hey, man, I'm back. Let's go to band practice, eh?" He said, saying a small hello to Lexaeus afterwards. "Yea!" Demyx said, with a little too much enthusiasm. "Sorry for bailing out on ye like this Lexy, but duty calls," He shrugged. Lexaeus merely nodded and smiled. "It's ok, you looked about to die from boredom," He said. "Nuh-uh, I had an awesome time," Demyx lied, causing Lexaeus to raise his eyebrows. "Yea ok that was a lie, but I'll see you later!" He grinned and waved, and with that, Axel and Demyx left hand in hand.

On the way there, Axel had been going _on _and _on_ about random things; it had been quite obvious that he was either really excited about something or had just had coffee. He had been so pumped to talk to Demyx, that he did not notice the two males crossing the street at that time.

"Oh my gods Axel look_ out!_" Demyx screamed, and Axel barely had time to slam on the brakes. Unfortunately for Demyx, two factors played in the role of why his life was about to go through the hurricane. One, he had a bad habit of not wearing his seatbelt. Two, they were in Axel's convertible, in which the top was down. So, Demyx flew through the top and flew smack dab onto one of the males. Then, of course, because fate would have it, the car behind them hit Axel's convertible with much force, causing all three males in the street to get hit.

xXx

When Zexion woke up, the first thing he noticed was, oh how cliché this was, that he was in a hospital. The second thing was the male sitting next to the bed, holding his hand. He had ridiculously red hair, and looked like a fucking hedgehog. "Who the hell are you, and what the hell are you doing?" He asked. Blargh, what was wrong with his voice??

The redhead's head shot up. "D-Dems, you're awake, man! Are you ok?! Does the head hurt still??" He asked, truly concerned. "Who the fuck is Demyx? What the hell happened, and where is Downey? Xigbar not being here I can understand, he wouldn't know, but where's Downey??" He snapped, looking around. When he saw the body in the bed next to his, he nearly had a heart attack. How is _he_ in the next bed, when he was in this one too?

"What kind of sick joke is this? Why am I there and here at the same time??" He asked. Axel gave him a weird look. "Dem, what are you talking about? You're right there. Over _there_ is one Mr. Zexion Callahan, whom I almost killed. Dude how much would that suck if he was that author guy; Rude would skin me if we killed his favorite author!" He whined.

Zexion looked at him incredulously. "I _am_ that author guy," He said, just as the male next to him was waking up. "A-axel? Why are you over there…?" A hoarse voice asked. "And who—Holy shit!!" The man screamed. Both he and Zexion stared at each other, horrified.

"W-why am I _here_ while I'm over _there_ too?!" The other asked. Zexion slowly nodded. "Fuck. That's what _I_ would like to know. But still, where the hell is Downey?!" Zexion snapped.

"Oh wait that kid? He's fine, just minor injuries," Axel explained, before putting on a different face. "So let me get this straight; if you both aren't psychotic, then you like, what, switched bodies??" He asked. Demyx groaned before combing his hands through his now slate hair and falling back into the bed. Zexion sighed. "I… I suppose so…" He said, shaking his head. "Shit," All three males said in unison.

--

(1) Yeaaa, it would probably be wise if you didn't ask. (not really, I don't care -shrug-)

Guillotine is now officially on hold; the last chapter of WDWhPB will be up within the next few days.


	2. WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY HAIR?

xX It's too hot, It's too cold, this jacket's too thick! Xx

Within the next few days, Zexion, Demyx, and Downey had been released from the hospital. Now, they stood outside near Axel's almost totaled car, discussing their predicament.

"So… Dems. You're that author guy that Rude loves so much?" Axel asked. He was staring at Zexion, before realizing his mistake and looking at Zexion's body. "'M right here, and I have a name," Zexion said offhandedly as Demyx went to answer. "Um, yea," He said, grinning sheepishly. "Don't smile like that, it doesn't… work on my face," Zexion said, as he stroked Downey's hair. The small boy was hiding halfway behind him, holding onto the Demyx leg.

"No kidding," Axel snorted. Zexion glared at him. Downey, upset, tried to change the mood. "U-um, I have a question," He started, shyly. "Shoot," Axel said. "So… are you staying with us," Downey gestured to Demyx. "Or is Zee staying with us?" He looked up at his… semi-brother.

No one spoke for a few moments. "I think… it'd be best if Mr. Nomura stayed with my… at my home, and I stay with Mr. Draymond," Zexion suggested, looking to everyone to see what they thought.

Just as Axel was going to complain, Demyx piped up. "No, I… I think that's a good idea, actually. What would your brother and Rude say if you were caught making out with… with someone else. And I bet Rude would flip if he walked in and saw you making out with his favorite author," He laughed a little bit at the thought. Zexion snorted, and covered Downey's ears. "He doesn't need to hear such things coming from you," He said, poor Downey looking ultimately confused.

"Plus, knowing Xigbar, he would probably not be happy with some stranger in the house," Zexion said. _Not that he's ever around enough to care_, he added in his thoughts.

Axel, though looking sour, nodded. "Yea, it makes sense, I suppose," He grumbled.

"Let's go then, I have plans today," He added, starting to walk to his red convertible. Everyone followed with Demyx sitting in the shotgun and Zexion and Downey in the back.

On the way to Zexion's flat, Demyx and Zexion discussed the 'rules around the house'.

Zexion's list:

- Xigbar brings groceries and leaves them on the counter every Thursday. There is no need to buy any.

-Downey has to be woken up at 7:30 each morning Mon-Fri to go to school. He is to be taken to school at 8:15 sharp. He will give you instructions on how to get there.

- Do not touch anything.

- Do not, for the love of god, spill anything in the flat!!

- if Xigbar comes home drunk, lock him out of the house and or your room. Sex with him when he's drunk is terrible.

-do not have sex with Xigbar.

- I am allergic to the following: Peanut butter, cinnamon, vanilla. _Please_ do your best to avoid these...

- Downey watches Spongebob. He will have a _fit_ if he misses it. Record the Soup and Chelsea Lately.

- don't touch my books or movies.

As Demyx read it, he knew instantly that being inside of Zexion would be hard. It was like the guy was ultra OCD or something. 'Don't touch this, don't touch that, clean this every so and so hours'. He would _hate_ living with Axel and Reno.

When Zexion asked for his set of rules from Demyx, he told him that he didn't have any rules except for one:

-DO NOT TOUCH MY SITAR.

When he told him, a thought immediately entered his mind.

'Oh fuck. The concert,'

"Oh my god. Axel? My concert is in a week!" He said in a panicky voice. "Oh shit…" Axel said, grimacing as he turned onto a street.

"Concert? What concert??" Zexion asked, scared.

"My band's concert!" Demyx wailed. "We're going on a world tour next week!" He continued, putting his face in his hands.

"Oh my god! What the hell do you expect me to do! I can't sing, and all I can play is the fucking piano and violin!!" Zexion yelled, practically yanking his hair out. Downey, like the good little boy he was (LIES!), covered his ears while his elder brother became Sephiroth-in-a-can, shaken and stirred.

Demyx sighed, and dropped his forehead onto the dashboard. "Um, I have an idea," Downey said, after uncovering his ears. Zexion sighed and looked to him wearily.

"What is it, Downey?"

"What if Mr. Nomura gave you lessons on how to play his instrument?" He asked.

"Of course not! We don't even know what he plays--" Zexion retorted, but was interrupted by Demyx.

"No that is actually a good idea! We can start right now! Axel! Just take us all to our apartment!" He said, causing Axel to scowl. "Yes, master," He sarcastically said, his voice dripping with venom.

x-X-x

As soon as they entered the broken down apartment, Zexion was assaulted. Reno was leaving with Rude to go to the movies when they had walked in. "Mmm, hey babes," He said, striding by as he grabbed the house keys. He gave Axel a quick romantic kiss first as he walked by, and seeing as Zexion was in the doorway confused, he was bound to be the next target. Reno laughed at something Axel had said before coming up to Zexion. He nuzzled his face into his neck and groped his butt, before leaving.

Zexion was horrified, to say the least. He had just been molested by some half-naked _stranger._ (An: I don't want any reviews saying that they were 'surprised that Reno would go out in public half naked'. Anybody who does should be shot. In the groin. Seven times. And a half.)

Axel just laughed at his face. "Reno!" He said, whacking him on the head.

While everyone laughed, Rude stared at Demyx in shock. "Z-zexion Callahan?" He said, rubbing his eyes. Demyx looked super confused, and the actual Zexion looked up at his name being called. Ah, so this must be 'Rude'.

"O-oh, um, yea? I mean, yes, Rude?" Demyx said, clearing his throat. Rude took a shocked step back. "How do you know my name??" He asked. "What do you mean how do I—Uh, Demyx here told me!" He responded, gesturing to Zexion.

"Yea, yea, he'll be here when we get back. C'mon, Rude, you don't wanna miss the movie now, d'ya?" Reno whined, grabbing his boyfriend's hand and dragging him out the door. But not before groping Zexion's ass again ("PTPSHASKAJKDSF!") of course.

"Hands off the author's ass, or his fiancé will have yours on his wall!" Axel playfully snapped.

"Author? What the hell? That's Dem!" Reno said, looking at his brother weird before finally leaving.

"Right, c'mon Zexy I gotta teach you to play my sitar!" Demyx said, grabbing his wrist and dashing to his shared room. "Um, Dashboard you can hang with Axel!" He said as an afterthought to Downey, who corrected his name.

Axel and he stared at each other for a little while, Axel leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. "Right. I guess we can watch TV or something; come on, Diaper,"

"It's Downey!"

"whatever,"

x-X-x

Finally, after several hours of hearing both good and _horrible_ sounds coming out of a room down the hall, Zexion stumbled out, looking tired as hell. Axel laughed right as Demyx followed him. "I never thought I'd see you so tired, Dem," He said, grinning. "Especially from playing your sitar," Demyx laughed too. "Yea, I know, I'm absolutely pooped," He said, gesturing to Zexion. Said male scowled and dropped onto the couch that both Axel and Downey were sitting on. Zexion just laid his head on the boy's lap, looking ready to pass out. Downey smiled and brushed his brothers (Demyx's) hair like Zexion had done for him many times in the past.

Axel watched uninterested as Zexion fell asleep. "Axel, I think it'd be best if you took me and Downey back to their place now. Like he said, his boyfriend probably wouldn't be happy if he didn't show up tonight so we might as well give it a try…" Demyx suggested.

Axel sighed. "Yea, ok. Come on kid, your dad will be fine he's just asleep," He said, standing up and turning off the TV. Before Downey could answer with 'but I'm his brother', Axel and Demyx were already out the door. He carefully got up and out from under Zexion, trying not to wake him.

"Hurry up, kid!" Axel yelled from outside. Downey quickly grabbed the blanket that was haphazardly lying over the back of the couch before gently laying it over his big brother. With that, he rushed out of the apartment and down the stairs to the car.

"God Dem, how the hell did you get him so tired? Are you already cheating with him on me? Because seriously, who the fuck gets tired from playing an instrument?" Axel had been saying when Downey reached the vehicle. "He's not the kind of guy to do these things! I guess the thrill of playing my sitar is too awesome for one to stand!" Demyx grinned. "I'd never cheat on you, you know that!" He added, putting his arm around his boyfriend's neck.

"Um, excuse me?" Downey asked, once they were halfway to his home. "Yea?" Axel asked. He and Downey had become good friends within the allotted time they were together; they had tons of things in common. "Uh, how long is this going to last?" He asked, and everyone was silent once more.

"I don't know," Demyx sighed. "I hope that it will end soon though,"

x-X-x

Ten minutes later, they finally made it to the flat.

"Jeez, this place is _nice_," Axel said. The three got out and climbed the stairs to get to the flat (the elevator was out of order). When they got there, they found a weird middle-aged man passed out on a couch, the TV still on.

"Ah! Xiggy!" Downey yelped, running towards the man and glomping him. He woke with a start, saying something incoherent. "Yea, hey guys…" He grumbled, his voice slurring a little bit. "Oh… Xig, you smell funny again. Please go to bed so you don't do anything else stupid," The boy said, sounding both disappointed and responsible.

Xigbar nodded and stood up, with much trouble, before stumbling off to his shared room with Zexion. "I have to sleep with _that?_" Demyx asked incredulously. Axel slowly nodded, raising an eyebrow. "Yea, he's engaged to _that?_" He asked. "He's not like that!" Downey said, as he jogged back out. "Only when he drinks. He's usually really silly and nice! He even took me to the park a few days ago when Zee was too busy," He smiled.

"Ok. But do I still have to sleep in the same bed as him?" Demyx complained. "I can try and tell him to move to my bed," Downey suggested. "Eh, then where will you sleep, kid?" Axel asked. "I always sleep with Zee on Tuesdays because my nightmares are really bad on Tuesdays," He said, before running back down the hall to his brother's room.

Axel and Demyx stood there for a few moments quietly talking to each other. "Damnit, Dem I hate looking at you like this. Damnit! You look so fucking emo… Do something about that hair, will you? Or something. Ugh, never mind the hair. There's no way I'm going to fuck you anyway; too short, not my type." He ranted. Demyx, now incredibly depressed, never got a chance to reply to that, as Downey came back out.

"Um, he said no. He said that he's surprised you forgot that he owed you one for accidentally deleting the whole novel last month, so he set the date for tonight," He explained, ducking his head and blushing, his arms behind his back.

Demyx and Axel just stared at him, wide-eyed. "What?" They both said, in unison. "There's no way in hell!" Axel snapped, pushing up his sleeves and starting to march down the hall.

"W-wait! Axel, don't. He doesn't know. I'll just tell him that I'm too tired to have sex with him tonight, and it'll have to wait another day. Or just hope he passes out soon," Demyx said, hugging Axel from behind. Axel sighed. "Ok. I'm sorry, I just wasn't thinking, that's all," He said.

"All right," Demyx said, smiling and kissing him passionately. Downey had his blushing face his behind his hands, but was staring through his fingers thinking, 'this is so weird…'.

"I'll go, see you tomorrow," Axel then said after they broke up for air. Demyx nodded. "C'mon Downey, let's go to bed," He said as Axel left.

When they got into the shared bed and tucked themselves in, even though Xigbar was half-passed out on top of them. When he was comfortably sandwiched between them, and Downey was snoring peacefully (though sort of twitching from his nightmares), Xigbar mumbled something incoherent once again and put his arm around Demyx, snuggling closer to him(1). "Mnn… Nigh' Zee," He mumbled, his face attempting (And failing horrifically) to find Demyx's face.

x-X-x

In the morning, Demyx found out that Zexion most certainly was not lying. Xigbar was nowhere to be seen. Downey, though, was still there. He was on the side Xigbar was previously, and was curled up against Demyx, still snoring lightly, it sounding like a little whistle.

He slowly got up and went to the bathroom, before realizing that it was Wednesday. Wednesday. And it was now about 10:00 AM. Fuck.

"Downey! Get up, time to go to school!" Demyx screamed, diving onto the bed.

Downey awoke with a small squeak and sat up. "Z-zee, what are you—"'M not Zex, remember? Now hurry and get up so we can get you to school!" Demyx said, picking the boy up and attempting to walk to the boy's room.

"You passed it," He said, causing Demyx to silently turn around and go in it. He sat on Downey's small bed as the boy got dressed (he wasn't looking!). After getting him ready he took him to school, and then made a few stops at a couple other places.

x-X-x

When Zexion woke up, he found himself in a bed. Not his bed and most certainly not the couch he remembered that he passed out on. He looked to see what the source of warmth coming from his right was, and nearly had a heart attack and peed his pants at the same time. Xigbar did _not_ have red hair. Yes it was long, but it was not red. Nor did he have tattoos on his face, and he wasn't this tall. That, and it was Wednesday. Xigbar only wore pajamas on Tuesday nights.

He was in a bed with Mr. Draymond's twin. WHY THE HELL WAS HE IN A BED WITH SOME STRANGER?!

After that ran through his mind, he promptly fell out of the bed before getting up and running out the door, bound on going to his _real_ home.

x-X-x

"Xigbar? Are you home?" Zexion yelled through the house. "Yea, why? Wait a minute, what the fuck? Aren't you in the shower?" Said male came to the door, confused.

Zexion just stared in pure shock, thinking 'fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck'.

"Who the hell are you? You're not Zexion. _He_ is in the shower. Who are you and what do you want?" He asked, blocking the way into the house.

"No, Xigbar you don't understand it really is _me_! It's Zexion, it really is—" Haha, yea, I know. The kid told me what happened. Naturally, I didn't believe him but now that you're here sobbing and crying I do. Get in here, betch," He playfully said, pulling Zexion to him and giving him a rough yet passionate kiss.

"Xigbar, you're kidding, right? You actually believe me??" Zexion asked, eyes wide in shock. "Of course I do. Why in the world would you come back from the store and scream when you saw me? You only do that every other stressful Monday!" He laughed, ruffling Zexion's now-blonde hair.

"Oh. Good point," Zexion said, putting his hand to his chin in a thinking manner. Halfway through his thinking process, Zexion realized that there was a Xigbar tongue in his mouth.

"Mmph! Thigbah' 'oo do rea'lithe thot 'm not—"Yea I know," He pulled himself off of Zexion to answer. "I know, and frankly, I don't care. I promised you sex. When Downey came in last night saying that _you_ didn't want me to make it up to you I knew something was up,"

Zexion knew full when that through all this weird rambling, Xigbar was saying that he wanted to have sex. Now.

"Right now? But--" Too late. By this time, he realized that he was now on the biggest couch and was already missing his shirt.

--

Halfway through Zexion's pleasured moaning, Demyx had gotten out of the shower. Confused, he walked out to see what all the commotion was. When he and Zexion made eye contact, both screamed at the top of his lungs.

For one thing, Xigbar was pounding into _his_ body.

For another, Zexion's body now had short, messy, dirty-blonde hair.

--

"Zexion, at least get some clothes on before you strangle the poor kid! Downey is going to be home soon!"

--

(1)wtf my whores, this isn't a Xigdem.

**R-E-V-I-E-W.**

**rEvIeW.**

**REVIEW.**

**review.**

**EVIEWRAY.**


	3. We need to talk

xX It's too hot, It's too cold, this jacket's too thick! Xx

That bastard day had come. That horrible, evil day of death and doom and gloom had finally arrived, and now Zexion had to go on a world tour and play songs on an instrument he _barely_ knew how to play.

If it wasn't for that _stupid_ ignoramus of a redhead, he wouldn't _be_ in this position right now!! Zexion just wanted to scream and shout and chuck the couch out the window!! But Zexion wasn't like that, Zexion would never—He was in Demyx's body, the happy, hyper and eccentric blonde who would spontaneously do anything.

So he screamed. As _loud_ as he possibly could.

It went something like this: "**RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!**"

Oh god, that was amazing. That felt—so _good!!_ So he did it again.

"**AHHHHRRRRR!!!**"

mwuahahaha, brilliant.

"**RRRRROOOOOAAAAAAAAWWWRRRRRRR!!!**"

God, he felt like a fucking _dinosaur_. So he began stomping around like the idiot he now was.

"**GROAAWRRRRAHHRRRHARRRRR!!!**"

He continued heavily stomping around, arms in T-Rex position, and even made the screaming people noises (in a high-pitched girly voice).

"**GROOOAWWWWLLL!!"**

"Oh no, it's Godzirra! Everyone runnnnn! Ahhhhh!!!"

He was having so much fun (Zexion? Having fun?!) that he neglected to notice Xigbar and Downey pop in and start recording it on Xigbar's phone. Nor did he notice his body, Axel, Reno and Rude come in a few moments later. So they all stood and stared.

"So, this is what a crazed hermit of an author with one child and sugar daddy does in his free time?" Reno, who was only over there to see what it was like to be in a rich person's house, asked, breaking the silence (excluding Dino-Zexy, of course). This caused Tyrannosaurus Zex to freeze in his stomping movements, and slooowly turn around on the one foot in one, slow motion.

He stared at them, in the same pose, for a moment, before letting his mouth slowly close and his air borne foot gently reach the ground again.

"Hey!" Xigbar said, just now realizing that he was said 'sugar daddy'.

"Sooo, partner, this is your idol?" Reno asked (ignoring Xigbar) Rude, nudging him the arm with his elbow. Rude just grunted and elbowed Reno back not-so-gently in the stomach.

"Damn, now if only he were in his own body then it'd be worth so much more…" Xigbar sighed, putting his phone away. Suddenly though, he brightened. "Hey Dem, why don't you go reenact it?" He suddenly asked.

Zexion blanched. "No! We've got things to do today; I have to pack and Demyx has to rehearse for the show, and—"

"Show? What show?" Demyx asked, confused. Zexion just looked at him, confused. "Didn't I tell you? I have to go on Oprah tomorrow and discuss my new—"

"OPRAH?!?!" Demyx screamed. "Are you kidding me?! You have to go on fucking _Oprah!?_" Zexion just looked at him, un-amused, before stating his response.

"CONCERT?!?! I HAVE TO GO ON A FUCKING WORLD TOUR?!" He falsely screamed, grabbing his hair and stomping around like a pouting child.

"Ok, I get it. But what are you talking about? I canceled the tour, don't you remember?" Demyx asked him, raising an eyebrow.

In the end, both were not happy with each other.

--

you're probably wondering by now, how the hell do Reno and Rude know about this craptacular situation?

To paraphrase it all, Reno got pissed from being confused because Zexion (Demyx) kept talking to Demyx (Zexion), referring to Demyx as Zexion. So they had to tell them.

Oh. And they decided that it'd be best if 1) Zexion never let's Xigbar take advantage of Demyx's body like that again, and 2) Demyx should not change anything else on his body unless he wants Zexion to slice off Demyx's (body) balls and hot glue them to his ass.

One more thing. You might remember Downey being called 'Zexion's son' every now and then by mistake. Zexion hates it, but I always forget to add something about it in here.

--

It had now been a whole month. A whole month of hell, having to stay in some almost complete strangers body. But Demyx was used to it, and he didn't mind. He got to stare at the pretty face in a mirror every day. Yes, he admits to having a small crush on the person whose body he was in, but no one needs to know that.

Demyx was currently sitting and watching television with Downey. Xigbar was gone of course, saying he'd be back later maybe. Demyx really didn't care, seeing as he wasn't too close with the man. That was Zexion's job, seeing as he was engaged to the pirate.

That's probably what he was, a pirate. That'd actually be kinda cool, to be getting married to a fucking pirate. Demyx examined the ring; it looked awfully shiny. Demyx sighed. He wished Axel would propose soon—he did love the man, and Axel was just psychotic about him. Oh well, he would just have to wait and see!

Demyx continued watching television, even after he put Downey to bed.

He was about to fall asleep himself when suddenly the house phone rang—he wanted to answer it, but Zexion told him not to, for unknown reasons. So he let it go to the answering machine.

"Zexion… Zexion it's Mommy again… Why won't you answer the phone? We spent all this time looking for your number and now you won't even talk to us? Why, Zexion, why?? We just want to talk and see how our baby is doing again… We need your help, Zexion! Why won't you listen and help us!! We're going to lose the house soon, you ungrateful child!" Was the voice that came from it, before the woman slammed her end on the receiver, making it click loudly.

Zexion is ignoring his family?? Why?? How rude! He would have to confront him about it! Having all this wealth and not even helping his family!

But it was late, and Demyx was tired. So, he slowly and groggily got up from his spot, turned off the television and dragged himself to Zexion's super comfy bed.

--

When he awoke back up in the morning though, he found himself back on the couch. He didn't fall asleep on the couch, did he? He didn't remember doing so… or did he dream about moving to the bed? The television _was_ on…

What was that noise?

--

Zexion was by now used to waking up in either Reno's bed or Axel's bed. They claimed it was just to make him feel at home, which it actually… kind of did, in a small, creepily weird way. But the real obvious reason was because there were no spare bed and there was no way in hell he'd be sleeping on _that_ couch.

Today, he awoke in Axel's bed. He rubbed the sandy, crusty stuff out of his eyes before getting up and lazily going to the bathroom connected to the room. He washed his face before opening the medicine cabinet and blindly searching around for some toothpaste. He grabbed the next thing that was smooth, and tried to take the cap off. When he realized there was no cap, he finally opened his eyes.

What a moron. Who hides an engagement ring box in a _medicine_ cabinet? Oh wait. Zexion looked at it again and opened it, startled. 'So he really is a commitment sort of guy… Never would've guessed,' he thought, gently putting it back in the medicine cabinet. He sighed and smiled slightly, thinking about his own engagement ring. He went to play with it, but found that finger ringless. 'Oh yea, haha, I should've known by now…' He thought.

--Filler--

How did Zexion meet Xigbar, you ask? And why the hell would Zexion of all people get engaged to _Xigbar_ of all people?

Well Zexion had met Xigbar with a _crash bang boom_! No, seriously. Xigbar was skateboarding home (his car was in the shop and he didn't have a bike) with firecrackers, getting ready for the Fourth of July. He was checking he had all of them when he _crashed_ into an eighteen year old Zexion, who had just lit a cigarette (Zexion thinks he quit, be he's not really sure. He doesn't think he smokes, but sometimes he'll find unopened packs near him, that belong to no one). So of course Xigbar crashed into Zexion, and by some freak accident, this caused the fireworks to light from the cigarette then go off with a _bang_ and a _boom!_ This sent Zexion to the hospital for a while, and Xigbar said sorry by telling him that he threw his skateboard into the wood chipper, and asked him if he wanted to skip getting drunk at the bar and just have sex. Always the straightforward one, isn't he?

--

Zexion looked in the mirror on the cabinet, and accidentally kept staring. God, Demyx was hot! Crap, he did not just think that, after reliving his first encounter with his husband-to-be! Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Suddenly, a voice startled him from his trance. "Zexion?" Said person jumped and looked to see who it was. It was Demyx. He stood there, with his head bowed, and his arms behind his back.

"Demyx? What's wrong??" Zexion asked, actually concerned for his crush. Wait fuck.

"Zexion… How about we go get a drink…?" Demyx asked, sounding miserable.

--

After I wrote Chapter 2, I realized that I should've used Denzel from FF7 instead of Downey, you know? Oh well, too late now.

The answering machine part will be talked about next chapter, sorry for cliffhanger (Kinda?) much love, Muffin~


	4. Rockie Ass?

xX It's too hot, It's too cold, this jacket's too thick! Xx

When he awoke back up in the morning though, he found himself back on the couch. He didn't fall asleep on the couch, did he? He didn't remember doing so… or did he dream about moving to the bed? The television _was_ on…

What was that noise?

Demyx groggily rolled of the couch with a thud and followed the mysterious noise to its core, only to find that it led to the… laundry room. What the hell? After just waiting outside the slightly ajar door and trying to figure out what the sounds was, he realized that it was of someone having sex. Oh god, come on Zexion! Demyx could've sworn that they _promised_ that he would have sex with Xigbar again in his—

Oh.

He wasn't sure he was really completely awake yet… but if he was seeing things correctly, that wasn't Zexion under Xigbar, nor a _male_. Oh.

Demyx quietly backed out of the room, before hastily walking back to the living room, grabbing his clothes and his house key, set out on having a discussion with Zexion.

--

"Zexion… How about we go get a drink…?" Demyx asked, sounding miserable.

Zexion was confused. "What?" He asked, tilting his head to the side.

"I am suggesting that we go to get a couple drinks, just to, you know… hang, I guess…" Demyx said, shrugging.

Zexion continued to look at him weird. "But it's nine in the morning," He said.

Demyx nodded, but smiled. "Yes, I know. I'm just in the mood for a few drinks," He explained, smiling at him.

Zexion slowly and hesitatingly nodded. "Ok, I suppose we could go," He said. Demyx smiled at him again before taking his hand and leading him out of the bathroom. "You're gonna need them…" He mumbled. "What?" Zexion asked. "What was that?"

"Nothing! Just reminding myself to do something later!" Demyx immediately said. Zexion just gave him an interesting look before realizing that his hand was attached to Demyx's. He immediately ripped it from him and blushed, using the same hand to grab something as if he had meant to do that.

Soon after, they left the apartment. Demyx took him to a nice little tavern that not many knew about, and sat them down in the corner so no one would bug them. He ordered a pint for each of them before he started talking. First, he handed the engagement ring to Zexion. Since Zexion was a lightweight and already totally gone, he giggled when he saw it. "I can't, darling, because I'm getting married already… Next week. You wanna come??" He asked, giggling like a maniac.

"But I totally would, you- you know why? Because you're a sexy **beast**. Yea, you're- you're a **sexy beast** and I just want to—" Zexion. No listen, this is your engagement ring, look," Demyx interrupted him, and showed him the now ringless hand.

"Oh wouldya lookat that…" Zexion mumbled, leaning incredibly close to it and squinting his eyes. Demyx couldn't help but laugh at the male's antics.

"Zexion, Xigbar is cheating on you with some woman," He told him, and Zexion looked taken aback. "Aw man that _sucks_. I feel fer him mannnn. Hey, hey listen- no, listen! WOULD EVERYBODY SHUT UP!?!?" He randomly screamed, although no one but the live band was yelling. "Kay, don't tell anyone, but-but I know this guy! And I'm like –shhhhh don't tell anyone, but I'm inside his _body_. Oh my god, creepy, right? But-but, his boyfriend is cheating on him too with some other little blondie with like, a rocky ass or something like that, pfffft! His boyfriend told me not to tell anyone, so shhh! He'll get mad at me if he finds out!" Zexion yelled, laughing his ass off the whole while.

Demyx looked horrified. "W-what? Zexion, what—" I said, that this like, guy's boyfriend is _cheating_ on him. His boyfriend is kewwwwl though, he's got like a hedgehog on his fucking head! It's like a bloody version of SONIC! I love that place, sonic. You ever eat there?" Zexion continued screaming.

Demyx though was not at all happy and hyper. He was actually crying now, at the thought of Axel cheating on him. "O-oh, did I make you CRY??" Zexion asked, looking terribly upset. "That's OK, my _mom_, she like hates me n' all, but, but my _mom_, she used to scare the shit out of leetle kiddies and make them CRY! Is my mom around? I'll make you stop crying, c'merreeee," Zexion climbed up on the table on his hands and knees, and reached over to Demyx and hugged him.

"Iss okay, I didn't mean to make you _cry_, my mom's just scary," He said. Demyx couldn't help but kind of giggle through his crying. Zexion was so naïve when he was drunk, it was kinda cute. "N-no Zexion, it's not your mom… You told me that Axel was ch-cheating on me!" Demyx cried, hugging Zexion back.

"I know what it's like baby, shhhhhh, I know… I just had this really hot guy tell me my fiancé is cheating on me too…" Zexion said, who also started crying. 'Well,' Demyx thought. 'Seems like it finally got through to him'.

So the two sat there, crying in each other's arms for only FSM knows how long. Eventually the bartender came over and told them to get out.

"It's closing time, get out," He said, glaring at them. Zexion looked at him. "B-but it's only nine in the morning!" He said. The bartender, who was surprised that the boy was still conscious, looked at them sternly. "No, it's midnight," He growled, before dragging the two to the door and booting them out.

--

The two walked home with Demyx carrying Zexion bridal style (even with the height difference) , as they cried and talked. Zexion was busy rambling about how his wedding was going to look, where it was and all the such. Demyx wasn't really listening, and was wallowing in his sorrow. They decided to pass out at Demyx's apartment because there was no one there who would care if they were drunk.

Demyx let Zexion pass out on the smelly couch, before he went into Axel's room to see if that 'Rockie Ass' kid was there. Sure enough, he was. Demyx wanted to scream right then and there! But he knew better than to do so. He tippily walked into the bathroom to find something to sabotage Axel with. But he found something much better than that, oh ho ho! He found that engagement ring box and decided to use that instead. He walked back into the room, and before he used the box, he grabbed a sharpie and wrote 'FUCK YOU!' in huge letter on his forehead. He then snapped the box shut on his nose as hard as he could before running back to the living room and jumping on the couch with Zexion, pretending to be asleep.

Axel ran out into the living room, obviously pissed. "God what the hell, Demyx!!" He roared. He stomped over to the couch and grabbed Zexion by mistake and shook him by the collar of his overcoat. "Stop faking you asshole!" Axel screamed in his face. Demyx, alarmed by this, immediately jumped up. "Let go of him!" He yelled, grabbing onto Axel's arms. Axel only glared, and dropped Zexion to the ground, who was still miraculously unconscious. "Why the hell did you do that??" Axel yelled, shoving Demyx. "Why _wouldn't_ I! After I learned that you were cheating on me with some fucking minor!" He yelled back. Axel started to say something back, but stopped himself. "You know what, just get out!" He snapped, pushing him in the direction of the door. "You don't have to tell me," Demyx growled, bending down only to pick up Zexion's limp form and carry him out the door..

--

So, instead of bunking at Demyx's place, they ended up sleeping on the couches in Zexion's flat.

--Skip to morning--

A very hung over Zexion and a very disgruntled Demyx sat at the table in silence, both pondering their thoughts. Earlier, when Zexion was first completely awake, he punched Xigbar. Xigbar, confused, and in turn just left the flat for a while.

With that over with, now it was time for Demyx to ask Zexion about his whole family issue.

"So your mom called the other day," He started. Zexion looked up at him and glared. "Yes, I know." Was all he said, before taking a sip of his tea. There was a tensioned silence for a minute or two.

"So why don't you answer? Or _help _them?" Demyx then asked, scathingly.

Zexion looked bored. "Why should I? They—"

"Maybe because they're your family??" Demyx interrupted.

Zexion merely continued. "Why should I? They were the ones who didn't want anything to do with me, ever. I don't see why they're all of a sudden interested in my existence," He said, thus ending the conversation.

--Flashback--

_Zexion, it seemed, was the total loser in his family. No one liked him. It was like as soon as he started school, no one cared anymore. So they just ignored him. They gave him food and shelter, yes, but they never gave him much more than a 'Here,' or 'that's nice'. He had seven brothers and sisters, and he was one of the youngest. He thought that maybe they didn't like him because he was a lot smaller than everyone else._

_Or maybe it was because he was so smart. His family was smart, yes, but he was smarter than all of them combined. But every day at dinner, the whole family would sit and chat to everyone about their day except to Zexion. If he tried to say something, they either ignored him or interrupted him. No one _cared_ what he had to say because he was _Zexion_, that little freak. But he didn't mind. He was always the quiet and shy one, anyway. So he would just sit there, eating quietly and swinging his legs, thinking to himself._

_So one day, in the ninth grade, he realized he was gay. He had to escort a new kid around the school, and he got a hard on from just looking at him. So, in the end, they got together. Zexion, for once, was actually really _happy_. He didn't get happy. Zexion was just the emotionless kid who didn't care if his family ignored him. Zexion brought his boyfriend home, one day, for dinner. Everyone just thought the kid was a friend, but that was a surprise because Zexion just didn't have friends either. They all asked him friendly questions, until he gave them an answer that no one would like, except Zexion, of course._

"_So, how long have you and Zexion been friends?" Zexion's father asked. "As long as we've been going out, sir," The boy smiled innocently, and with that the whole room went silent. Everyone was either staring at Zexion or his boyfriend. Zexion's father cleared his throat, and the rest of the meal went without conversation._

_As soon as the guest left, Zexion was being screamed at by _everybody_. "We just _knew_ you were a freak!!" "God, what a gay freak! I knew something was wrong with you all along!" "What the hell is wrong with you?! God, you disgusting freak!"_

_With that, he was literally tossed out of the house, a suit case full of clothes following him. When he landed, he fell on his arm and it made a sickening crunching noise. "Stay away from us, do you hear me? We don't want to ever hear from you, _ever!!_" His mom screamed, slamming the door on him._

--End Flashback--

Demyx sighed, exasperated, and looked to Zexion. "Fine. Whatever. Let's just go get Downey so we can hurry and rehearse for your fucking interview on _Oprah_." He said. "Why did you have to accept the invitation--"

"I find it funny that you keep dissing Oprah, yet under your folder on the DVR at the apartment, you have her show to be recorded every day," Zexion said, smirking into his tea.

--

Look, I got another one up today! It's an apology chapter, for being a douche last night. I was tired and not in my right mind, but that's not really an excuse. I guess what I really meant to say was that reviews, no matter what they say, make me feel better. It tells me that you actually like my writing. I didn't mean to come off as a fucking pissy douche, because I know that's what it looked like :C

And the title of chapter 3 was meant to go with the last line of that chapter, not the rant. I just thought of that xD


	5. Now where did I put that death ray?

Oh god I'm back. I'm disappointed in myself oh so much because not two days ago I was deciding that I was pretty much just going to stop writing fanfiction stuff, and stick to working on my actual book instead. You can go check out my characters and stuff on my DA page (shameless self promotion). So uh, where have I been? San Francisco. No seriously, the first week of summer vacation, I went with my bff's family there. XD then not two days after I got back, I got _grounded_ for a C in my Engrish class (For being too 'sarcastic' in a bleedy essay!!! ADLKFJHSDLKJFHSDKLJFHDL DAMN YOU PERRIN). T_T Anyway, on with the story.

davidbowieisverydisappointedinyou dot COM  
that's my punishment xD

lawls I'm listening to Bowie right now C:

---

"I do _not_ Tivo Oprah! That's so Reno!" Demyx snapped, propping his feet on Zexion's oh so fancy glass coffee table, and turning on the television.

Oh would you look at that, it was Oprah! She was discussing a book with everyone that she had chosen for the book club, and not surprisingly, it was Zexion's newest addition to the literary world. It was titled _the Death Toll_, and was about a butler and his master solving crimes about local murders that were happening around the country, which was London. The twist: The butler's master was the killer!

"_And so, you should definitely pick up a copy of this, it's available in any book stores such as Barnes and Noble or Borders at a great price!"_ She said, picking up the book which was standing up on her end table and showing it off. _"And what's better is that we'll actually be having the author himself stopping by on the show tomorrow!"_ She said, and in the next second a picture of Zexion (Before the little hair incident) showed up on the screen.

The picture made the crowd giggle a little, because of what was happening in the photograph. He, Zexion, was at a book signing, and was doodling on a piece of paper because it was before the store had opened. On his lap was Downey, of course, and he himself was doodling, but on a different piece of paper. Even Demyx giggled at it, because Zexion looked so focused on the drawing.

"_And of course, we'll be sure to ask him who that cute little boy is!"_ She said, and everyone was indeed cooing over the grinning Downey.

It was then that the actual Downey walked in, and glanced at the television. "Oh hey! I'm on TV!" He grinned, and bounced over to the couch. "So are you, Zee! Are we both goin' on Pope-rah's show tomorrow?" He asked. Zexion thought for a moment. "No, I don't think so. She didn't invite you so—" Downey looked so sad, and Demyx hated it. "Oh hey I'm sure she would love if you did! I mean, she probably didn't say anything about you _not_ being allowed to bring him, did she?" He said, questioning Zexion.

Said author sighed. "No, I suppose not. Alright, You can go," He said, smiling at Downey, who cheered. "Yippee!" He yelled, jumping off the couch and running down the hall. "I'm gonna go tell Xiggy!" He announced.

"I don't think he's here…" Zexion said after him, but only Demyx heard it. "Yea, I think he's been gone since you broke up with him," the latter said, returning his face to the television screen.

Zexion looked startled. "I broke up with Xigbar?" He asked, grabbing Demyx's hand and inspecting the ring finger. "What the hell…?" He mumbled. Demyx grimaced. "You don't remember?" He asked.

"Remember what?"

"Last night, I told you that he was cheating on you and then you told me that Axel—"

"_No_, I don't remember! He wasn't cheating on me, you stupid bastard! He and I had had a discussion about the situation and I let him go to someone else temporarily! You stupid imbecile!" Zexion screamed. "God, I knew you were and idiot, now I have to go explain things to him!" He continued to yell, getting up and storming off to his room to retrieve his phone.

Demyx just sat there, a huge frown on his face. "I'm not stupid…" He muttered sadly, getting up and slowly walking out of the apartment dejectedly.

--

When he reached his shared room, he was indeed surprised to find Xigbar there, napping. Zexion sighed and rubbed the back of his neck and sat on the bed, his back resting against the head board.

About ten seconds later, the lump that was Xigbar spoke. "Thought you were mad at me…" He groaned, seeing as he was still, you know, still half asleep.

"I was drunk, and that stupid imbecile screwed things up… I'm sorry," Zexion said, closing his eyes and frowning.

"So…What's that mean then?" Xigbar asked, rolling over so that he was on his back and his head was on top of Zexion's crotch.

"You're the best damn pillow despite the fact that you're boner is poking the back of my head," Xigbar laughed, making Zexion blush.

"Oh shut up! It just wants to say hi!" Zexion demanded, laughing as well.(1)

It was then that Xigbar somehow managed to get Zexion under him, with a lustful expression on his face. Zexion purred seductively, but frowned in confusion when Xigbar left his position and sat on the end of the bed, sighing.

"W-what's wrong?" Zexion asked, crawling towards him.

"Look, kid. I don't know how much longer I can put up with this…"

Zexion's confusion refused to leave. "Put up with what? Am I doing something that you don't like, or—"

"No, not that. _That_," Xigbar gestured towards Demyx's body. "I can't be around you without thinking that you're someone totally different. I can't do that, man! I'll hang around for another couple weeks or so, and if this isn't fixed by then… then I'm out of here for good," He explained.

Zexion was _crushed_. Well, no. He was more than crushed. He was _beyond_ devastated. He just wanted to break down sobbing right then and there, but he refused to let himself do so. I mean, he and Xigbar—they had been through so much!

Zexion practically owed him his life! Xigbar had taken him off the streets and, and… Well it'd be better to explain if we just went into flashback mode.

x-X-xFlashback x-X-x

"_So hey man, sorry about the whole 'I just totally blew you up with firecrackers' thing. Can I make it up to you?" The estranged male asked. Zexion, whose head had a bandage wrapped around it, nodded after a few moments of staring. "Alright, cool. So how about we like… I don't know, skip getting drunk at a bar and go straight to the sex?" He asked. Zexion just stared at him. "What?" He asked his voice scratchy from not talking in a long time. "I suggested we go have sex… like after you get out of the hospital or something…" The man grinned. "I don't even know your name, and you're suggesting that we go have sexual intercourse??" Zexion asked, somewhat horrified._

_The man's expression turned into that of concentration for a second. "Yep! When do you get out, like, tomorrow?"_

"_But I don't even know your—"_

" _M' name's Xigbar Rodriguez Jones!" Zexion seemed satisfied with that. "Alright. I am Zexion Lucifer Callahan, aged eighteen. How old are _you_??" Zexion asked, examining Xigbar thoroughly. "I'm thirty-two, why?"_

"Thirty-two??_ You most certainly don't act _thirty-two_!" Zexion snapped. Xigbar frowned. "So?" he asked. "So are you up to the sex or not? Because if not then I can just take you to dinner or—" He was interrupted by Zexion's sigh. "Yes, fine, I suppose." He said, exasperated. "Alright, cool!" Xigbar loudly said, grinning. He jumped off the bed, for he had been almost completely on top of Zexion, and ran out of the room. "See ya tomorrow!" He yelled._

_--_

_Xigbar sat with his back against the headboard of his bed, his arms behind his head. He was wearing nothing but his undies, and his eyes were closed, a huge smile on his face._

_Zexion lay next to him, curled under the bed's sheets, asleep. "Ah, man! That was _mind-blowing_!" Xigbar said to himself. "Even the third time around!" He slid off the bed, and went to go make himself a sandwich and watch TV._

_By the time Zexion had woken up, the sun was setting. He found his way to the living room, where he found Xigbar munching on another sandwich and still watching Oprah. Xigbar greeted him when Zexion plopped down on the couch next to him, both in nothing but their underwear. "So I suppose you want me to take you home?" Xigbar asked._

"…_If you want to get rid of me, sure." Zexion replied, putting his feet on the couch and resting his head on his knees. "Well alright," Xigbar shrugged and stood up, walking over and grabbing his car keys. While Zexion was in the hospital, Xigbar was glad to get his truck back from the shop._

_When Xigbar dropped Zexion off at his apartment, which was in the real shady part of town, he was faced with a notice nailed to his door. It explained that he had been evicted, and if he did not pick up his furniture by a certain date then it would be donated. That certain date was two days ago. So now he had _nothing_. God, his life sucked._

_--_

_Two weeks later, Xigbar was driving back from Ace, the helpful place, when he spotted Zexion walking all by his lonesome down the street. He pulled over, and made Zexion get in. "Man, what happened to _you?_" He asked him, looking at Zexion's dirty face. Zexion looked at him and scowled. "It turns out that I had been evicted three weeks ago," He told the elder. "Why the hell didn't you call me?" Xigbar asked. "I don't have a phone. All my furniture, everything I owned, is gone. The bastards all donated it or stole it," Zexion explained, putting a hand over his eyes and sighing._

"_So you're living with me now, then," Xigbar said. "What? No, I don't want to be a burden—"_

"_Shut up. To make you feel better, how about I kick you out when you get a job and find a new place?"_

"…_Alright."_

_--_

_Two years later, the two were still living together. Zexion had just published his first book, and it was a huge success. Xigbar and him were together now, officially. It had started about two months after Zexion started living with him, and they were just content with each other._

_Zexion was totally surprised about Xigbar, really. He turned out to be totally different than he thought he would be. Xigbar made sure to include him in everything and now Zexion had several estranged friends including one Xaldin, who liked to write as well._

_One time at the mall, Zexion caught Xigbar buying jewelry. Xigbar ended up buying a necklace 'for his mother' but later that night he went back to the mall and got the damn ring he was aiming on getting in the first place._

_So then they were engaged. Soon after the release of his next book, the two moved into the flat they now live in today._

_Three years later, Zexion's parents kicked Downey, then five, out. He and Xigbar had to go pick the boy up, and he started living with them from then on._

_Nothing else really eventful happened until the crash, another three years later. Yup._

x-X-x End Flashback x-X-x

Zexion sighed. "A-alright," He said, miserably. "I'll… I'll go talk to Demyx and try to see if we can find a way to fix this." He told Xigbar, and then he got up and walked to the living room, only to find Demyx gone. He walked into Downey's room. "Hey, you haven't seen Demyx have you?" He asked him.

Downey shook his head, and continued playing with his toys. Zexion then called Axel, who laughed. "No, that wimpy little puss probably went to go emo himself out somewhere! Stupid pansy," He had said.

Unfortunately for Zexion, they lived in New York City. Demyx could be _anywhere_. Fuck.

--

So, like review, lovers (please?) If you don't, I understand xD You're all giving me the silent treatment!


	6. PERIODS SUCK And commas rule!

O 3 O

Who here has their motivation for writing go way down when they get their period? Raise your hands please. Thanks :3 You now know how I feel right now, because

PERIODS SUCK (And commas _rule!_)!!! If anybody can tell me where that's from, I will dry hump you forever. :l and you'll love it.

Pfft you gotta hear this:

Ok so here I was, just sitting here minding my own business. I had just combed through my hair with my hand for no reason (weird habit of mine) and some of it stayed in my face. My mom comes over saying, 'isn't this clock cool?' or something, and right after that, she looks at me weird and says, 'what's wrong with your face?' pfft, what? She thought my hair was a gigantic cat scratch XD

--

Well, yes, he did in fact have to go find him now… but _now?_ Zexion kind of wanted to have some tea right now. That sounded super, actually, but… but he had to find Demyx.

…But the tea…

"Zee, aren't you gonna go find Mr. Demyx?" Downey, who had walked in a few moments beforehand, asked. "Shush for a second, Downey, I'm deciding something very important right now," Zexion said, his thumb and fore-finger now on his chin in thought.

"Is it about tea?" Downey asked. He didn't receive an answer until after a few more moments. "…yes, it is." Zexion told him, still deep in thought.

'Tea is so warm and deeeliicciousssss, and Demyx… although it may seem that I'm an egomaniac, that is _not_ true… But I hurt Demyx's feelings… Demyx isn't that yummy!'

"Well… What if you went and got him back, then you both had tea?" Downey suggested. He really did like Mr. Demyx, he was real fun! Zexion turned around to look at him, and stared at him while thinking about _that_ now. It kind of scared Downey.

"Well alright, that sounds pretty cool," and with that, Zexion grabbed his coat and left the house, not so loudly yelling out Demyx's name.

--

The first place Zexion checked was Demyx's old apartment. When he knocked on the door and Reno answered, he was warmly greeted and invited into the apartment. "Hey man, haven't seen _you_ in a while!" He said, grinning from ear to ear. He put an arm around Zexion's shoulder and dragged him in.

"So what brings you here, oh previously small and little one?" Reno asked, making the two sit on the couch next to Rude and Roxas. Axel seemed to be nowhere in sight, maybe he was just at the store or sleeping, or whatever.

Not surprisingly, Rude was reading Zexion's newest novel, and Reno was watching Oprah. Roxas, the cute little blonde that Axel was having an affair with, seemed nervous with Demyx's body around, obviously not knowing about what the hell was going on.

"I am actually looking for Demyx; we… got in a bit of a… well I got mad at him-- really mad. And it was a stupid thing to get mad over, really, but I made him run away…" Zexion explained, grimacing.

Both Reno and Rude looked a bit taken aback, and Roxas looked confused. "Oh, well, he most certainly isn't _here_, yo. After that fight-- oh hey his stuff is still here too, if you want to take it back to your place. Axel nearly tossed it all out of the window, but we stopped him just in time," He explained, grimacing now, too.

Zexion sighed. "Ah. Well, I really didn't think he would be here either, it was just really cold out and this place was closest," He said, getting up and stretching his legs out a bit. "I should go look somewhere else, like, I guess the park or whatever. See you guys later," He said, walking towards the door.

"Alright. See you tomorrow!" Reno waved. Zexion looked back at him, confused. "I'm not coming over here—"

"On Oprah? You had _better_ show up on there man, or Rude'll get pissed off!" He continued, laughing.

Rude wasn't amused. "That's not true. Just go and find your friend," He told Zexion. Zexion wanted to say that Demyx wasn't his friend, but he decided in the end not to do so. He nodded, and then walked out of the apartment, closing the door gently.

--

Not knowing where to go next, Zexion just decided on his own suggestion, the park.

When he got there, he noticed that there was a huge crowd around a bench. Confused and curious, Zexion decided to check it out. The crowd was thick, and it was plainly obvious that whatever was happening here was very popular.

And then he heard his voice.

Damnit, that fool was gathering a crowd by singing in a park, in _his_ body!! Zexion pushed his way through the crowd, pushing and shoving until he was about two feet away from Demyx.

When Demyx looked up and saw Zexion, he abruptly stopped and stood up. "What are you doing here?" He asked, his voice full of both panic and anger.

Before Zexion could tell him that he wanted to apologize, he ran off, much to the dismay of the crowd, who were aww-ing and boo-ing him. Zexion though, growled, and took off after him.

This would be one of the few times that he thanked being in Demyx's body, because he now had an advantage at running. He sprinted towards the other running male, and when he was close enough, he tackled him to the ground.

"Gahhh!!" Demyx screamed, trying to claw himself away from Zexion. "What do you want?!" He yelled.

"I want to apologize, damnit!" Zexion growled through clenched teeth, seeing as he was trying to keep Demyx from getting away.

"_What?_ By _tackling_ me?! What the hell is your problem, man!?" Demyx howled, finally getting free. But, he did not run. He just sat there, staring at Zexion as if he were insane.

"Well, how the hell _else _was I supposed to get you when you randomly sprint off?" Zexion spat, glaring at Demyx. Demyx glared back. "You could of just _yelled_ or something," He shrugged, looking down at the grass and playing with it.

Zexion didn't give Demyx an answer; rather, he was thinking of _how_ he was going to apologize.

"…How about we go to lunch or something, to discuss… just whatever?" He asked. Demyx gave him a cold stare. "Why should I?" he finally asked, looking away from Zexion. The latter was not amused. He almost said 'you really are a stubborn pansy-ass of a brat, aren't you?' but decided at the last second that it'd be best not to. No, that wouldn't help matters at all.

Demyx eyed him warily. "Because I want to apologize! And also… I do think it would be wise if we discussed things for tomorrow. I most certainly do not want you making a fool of me on national television!" Zexion exclaimed. Demyx continued watching him, before slowly nodding. "Yes I do suppose that would make sense… Ok, fine. Let's go get lunch; I _am_ a bit hungry. You can apologize by buying it," He said, smiling. Zexion sighed with relief, and stood up with Demyx.

As they began to walk towards the nearest restaurant, a revelation came over Zexion. "There is no way in _hell_ you are going on the show with _that_ hair!" He demanded. "Well how the flying fuck am I going to change it back then, shorty?" Demyx asked. Zexion raised an eyebrow. "You know you're kind of insulting yourself right now? And Extensions, of course. We'll dye my hair back to it's natural--"

"So it _is _your natural color!" Zexion sighed, before nodding.

"Yes, now, we'll dye it back and then get the proper extensions!"

Demyx snorted and started giggling. "You're such a weirdo," He said, reaching up to pet his former head. Zexion looked down at him, clearly not amused. "Oh look, the café," Zexion started, looking at his watch ('Wasn't that Reno's?' Demyx thought). "let's walk conveniently faster so we have time to not barely miss the waiter who always hints about wanting to molest me with a sock puppet," He said in a completely deadpanned voice.

Demyx really didn't know what to say to that one.

--

During their lunch, they had discussed such things like how they were to get their own bodies back, what Demyx was to say on Oprah and when they'd find the time to get his hair done. On that subject, they ended up agreeing to do so after lunch.

So they did. And as they were walking back to the flat with new hair extensions (gotten at the mall that was a few blocks away) in his hair and a box of hair dye in his hand, Zexion managed to get Demyx to accept his real apology. Which was good, obviously!

After they had put the dye in and were waiting for it to soak in, they sat on the couch watching television, as per usual. "I wish we could go to the beaaaccchhhhh!!" Demyx whined. Zexion, wordlessly, channel surfed until he landed on 'Bridget's Sexiest Beaches'. Demyx looked at Zexion. "You watch this whore?" He asked. There was a small moment of silence before both said "Xigbar," in unison. For some reason, they kept on watching it, even while Demyx went to go finish his hair.

When he plopped back down on the couch next to Zex-o-roonio (1), he asked a very… _interesting_ question.

"Can we have sex? I mean --" Zexion stared at him, horrified. "No! No! It's like--well--what I mean is I've always wanted to know what it's like having sex with myself, and whenever I go to or see the beach I get horny and well-- well don't look at me like _that_!"

Well too bad Dems, because he _was_ looking at you like _that_.

"And _plus_," This time, Demyx's voice was a lot lower and quieter. "I bet you haven't gotten any in a long time," He got shmacked in the face twice by a couch pillow. "What's it to you if I have or have not!" Zexion snapped, crossing his arms and turning away, now fuming.

"Oh come on, haven't you ever gotten a boner from doing something you like? Like when you write your books or something? Like when you write all the gory details-- don't lie, I've skimmed through your books and you _always_ make it super gory, which is awesome-- or when you read Sherlock Holmes?" Demyx asked, making Zexion snort.

"You wish. I've wanted to bang Willy Wonka since I was seven," He said seriously. But, you know, he wasn't serious. Demyx started laughing, and just wouldn't shut up! "Ok, it wasn't _that_ funny… No really, none of my jokes are this good. You should really stop-- damnit, fine," So Zexion had to kiss him to shut up. And so they had sex, much to Demyx's happiness. (2)

"So that was pretty awesome," Demyx said at one point, since they were still lying on the couch, naked and panting. (an: Can I say something totally random? You know Rosso the Crimson? I can't help but giggle with joy every time I imagine her voice. Same with Balthier and Fran. Oh god, and Vincent too O 3O) Zexion nodded, a funny smile on his face.

"So now what?" Demyx asked, and Zexion looked to see what time it was. "We have to go get Downey," He moaned. "From school? How did he get there by himself?" Demyx asked. "Xigbar is at least responsible enough to take him when I'm not around." Zexion said, getting up and fetching his clothes.

And so then of course Xigbar had to come crashing in, making out with some chick. Zexion just stood and stared in shock, while Demyx lay on the couch and do the same. And then the chick screamed into Xigbar's mouth and Zexion yelled "OH SHIT!" and grabbed a nearby blanket to cover himself. Remembering Demyx, he merely chucked his clothes on him.

Xigbar turned and looked at Zexion, for he had his back turned to him, and stared as well. He craned his neck to look at Demyx on the couch, and raised his eyebrows. Well, his visible one, anyway.

"Ohhh hey! You're that musician! And you're that author! You guys are both awesome! This may be a bit awkward, but can I have both your guys' autograph?" The woman asked. They stared at her, and then slowly nodded.

But naturally, they got dressed first. And by that time Xigbar was sitting at the counter drinking a smoothie, and his new girlfriend sat on the couch watching television. Everyone seems to do that often. Are you guys going to watch the House marathon tomorrow? I am. I really don't like the new team, but whatever.(3)

So Zexion and Demyx signed a picture of the two of them (Taken on Polaroid. Zexion is a secret packrat, and he still has those), both accidentally signing their actual names on their actual person, leaving the woman, Tifa Lockhart, confused.(4)

At one point, Tifa had left to go home, Xigbar promising to see her tomorrow. So then that left Xigbar sitting at the counter, facing the television (it's like you walk in the flat and on your left is a counter and the kitchen right next to it, then right to its right is the couch and TV and a nice big window. Then straight ahead is the hall with rooms.), and Zexion standing in the kitchen watching the TV, and Demyx on the couch doing the same exact thing.

Xigbar turned around on the stool to face Zexion. "So I already pawned the ring. You can do that to yours too, get a good amount of cash from it. I'll take my stuff out tonight," He told him, then turned back around to watch the TV until a commercial came on. When the show ended, Xigbar announced he was going to a friends.

"… But it hasn't even been two weeks…" Zexion mumbled as he left, his head down. Demyx felt sympathy for the boy, but didn't know how to comfort him. "Oh hey! How about we go get ice cream?" He asked. Zexion looked up at him a bit slowly. "I'm not in the mood to go anywhere," He sighed. Demyx frowned. "Well then we'll make our own!" He said, grinning.

This got Zexion's attention. "What? Make our own?"

"Oh yea sure, used to do it all the time when I was little! I'll pop in a movie for us, and I'll teach you how to make it! After we go pick up Downey, of course--"

"Too late," Zexion said, and sure enough, Downey walked in. "I got a ride from a friend today!" He announced.

"Is Xiggy here?" He then innocently asked, unaware of Zexion's head re-drooping in despair. Demyx grimaced for a second. "Well we're about to make our own ice-cream, wanna help?!" He asked, hopping around all excited-like. Downey got excited too, and nodded. "Yea! Yea!" He said, hopping to the kitchen.

--

After getting all the ingredients together, and doing a _lot_ of shaking in large plastic bags, the ice cream was finished. It was chocolate chip! They all sat on the couch with the lights lowered, finishing up watching _Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog_ and eating ice-cream, readying to watch Coraline next. Xigbar had connections, so when Zexion had mentioned he really wanted Coraline when it came out on DVD, he got it for him early from wherever.

"I have something planned for us tomorrow after Oprah!" Demyx said, grinning mischievously. "…What is it?" Zexion and Downey asked in unison. "I can't tell you, but I know you'll both like it!"

--

(1)- don't ask. I'll randomly add things to the end of people's names. Like 'llini'. Axellini!

(2) never will I ever write smut or a songfic.

(3) There really is a House marathon tomorrow! From eight to eight!

(4)Because I really don't like her :l

I had totally forgotten the (1) for last chapter, so here it is:

I had kinda jacked that from xxFiddleSticksxx on Deviantart. So yea.

I kinda delayed this one for a couple days just to spite you. You know who you are xD But I still love you!-noogie- This is actually a lot sooner than I normally would update a chapter, but whatev. My record was for VRPoDtDW, when I first started it I posted the second chapter the day after the first. It was my first story, and I obviously got super lazy. Procrastintors unite! ... Tomorrow.

oh and P.S

that review thing, you know, about you giving me the silent treatment? It was a joke o_o please review, it makes a grumpy Cody's period cramps go away!

much love, studMuffins


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